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Me — If one of us was a guy and we had a kid, what would the child be like?

B — Our spawn? Male, for one.  He would be a dreamer.

Me — True that.

B — The boy who gets in trouble at school for staring out the window and not down at whatever he’s supposed to be engaged in.  He’d love some obscure science that has something to do with the innards of the human body.

Me — Gosh, you’re good.  He’ get excited by weird sounding words and would prefer red wine over other liquors.  I think his goal in life would be to feel “infinite” as often as humanly possible.

B — He’d draw all over his dictionary and make funny cartoons.

Me — Yes.

B — Yes.

Me — And he would appreciate a good game of banana grams.  And can find some sort of intrinsic perfection in organized sports…

B — He would watch insightful philosophical movies and actually y make interesting comments about them.

Me — He would go to school in Cambridge, but would follow the Spanish Liga.

B — He would have a big head. Literally.

Me –Yes, yes he would.  On that note, he would be humble, but not always modest.  And he would make a good husband and father.

B — He would love james joyce.

Me — He would dream in color…and be a closet jedi.

B — He would lie, sometimes, about dumb things like leaving the toilet seat up.

Me — But he would tell you things the way they are… which we both do. And, he will bitch sometimes, like me.

B — He would be a catalyst. What would his name be?

Me — ….

B — Jason Andrew.

 

Ok, so this video is a bit disconcerting, but oddly enjoyable. I love the forcefulness… Ok, go skip to 1:22 – check out the missing teeth!

 

Cool, eh? For more funky book art pieces, follow the JUMP

So I gave into the urge to broaden my social networking world and created a Tumblr account dedicated specifically to Soccer/Football/Footie/Futbol/Whatever.

Check it out at NearPost!

For all those who aren’t soccer/wordplay junkies: the title is a play on soccer and blogging.  You post in a blog (but you know that) and a near post in soccer is the goal post which the soccer passes by first.  Ok, enough. Enjoy.

 

Ever play connect-the-dots as a young’n? I’m talking about for fun- other than of the mandatory time-wasting activities your second grade teacher’s aide helped you with? Yeah, me neither.  Well preparate cause we’re doing to time warp and you are GOING to enjoy yourself.  Instructions?  Sure, I can give you a few: 1.)  Start off with number 1, go on to number 2, then to number 3….must I continue?;  2.)Read whatever boring thing I wrote relating to each number; 3.) Try not to look bored.
Now, if you’re unfamiliar with Western Europe or are just a degenerate and don’t know any better, that land mass depicted above is Spain, home of crazy folk who torment bulls and like to get chased by them down a packed street, land of the current World Cup champions, realm where Franco did, well….all that jazz, etc etc.  Point is, that’s Spain, and that is where I will be spending almost an entire month this summer.  We’re focusing on the areas above and including Madrid. The idea is this:

1. Madrid -….see things…. I won’t bore you just yet.  But we will hop on an AVE train and go to…

2. Barcelona – where we will do Barcelona type things and act all Catalan and such. Then we will drive to…

3. Figueres – Making a stop at Casa Dali, then conquering the mountains till we rest at…

4. San Sebastian – where we will soak up some sun and bask in all the glories of the Basque Country (see what I did there?).  Then a short drive to Bilbao to check out the Guggenheim and find a bed in…

5. Santillana del Mar – at a Paradero.  Next day, pick up and go to…

6. Oviedo – and then to…

7. Lugo – Very soon we will be arriving at…

8. Santiago de Compostela – Where we will party in the college town…And then visit another college in…

9.  Salamanca – Possibly stopping in Villadolid to visit family, and then back to Madrid to catch our flight back to Miami.

Now, that wasn’t so painful now, was it?

I will, of course, check in from each of these and spill a word or two on how the times are rolling. See ya in another time zone!

(**The figure that should have been traced had you actually regressed to a 7 year old state and connected the cursed dots is a blob.  Yes, a blob.  Told you it was a waste of time**)

I love football, I really do.  But sometimes, it can get a bit silly.

This past weekend I played ball with someone who texted as he dribbled.  Of course, he was still better than anyone else on the field, but I felt like it was a bit rude, you know? He made us realize just how bad we really were.  Anyway, I found this video of something similar.  Notice how this German dude tackles with the phone in his hand.  Classic. I hope that convo was important.

Then there are incidents where the technicalities of the rules make me go, “huh?”  I don’t know whether to look up the actual rules concerning jersey removal or obsess over the fact that he has another one underneath.  Silly soccer studs.

And then there are times when I just want to kick someone in the head. 

Of course, it makes me laugh sometimes, too.

All in all, it’s el juego bonito, and I love it.

This year’s Superbowl was a big flop.  Admit it- you only watched for the commercials and said commercials were, well, ehh.

They hardly inspired a smile, much less any reason to remember them by.  Can YOU remember any commercials?  Thought not.  Last year we had Dorito gems like this one to make us giggle like little girls and sit around the office break room recalling our reactions to it time and time again:

But this year we were left with many dog-centered (no, really, DOG-CENTERED) commercials and over the top action sequences that made us go, “uh, what’s the commercial for, again?” Still, amidst the ridiculous Eminem ad and Ms. Aguilera forgetting her national anthem, we were given ONE diamond, a geektastic charmer the likes of which tv hasn’t been a party to in a long while.  Please sit back and enjoy the ONE reason to watch the Superbowl this year:

Soccer Studs according to UrbanDictionary.com

This is seriously funny stuff, if you follow soccer in any way.   

 

Ashley Cole: A name used to describe somebody who is only motivated by money. They will throw all their toys out of their pram when they have being caught doing something that they shouldn’t.

 Diego Maradona: Cheating short, fat, ugly little Argentinean; fair enough he was the best player in the world between 84-88.

 Peter Crouch: Without doubt, the finest footballer taller than 8 feet in the universe.

 Pele: The greatest footballer ever. True gift for the Brazillians and football world.

 Paul Cascoigne: Took his team single handedly to the Italia 90 semi finals; 90s term for “cry like a baby.”

 Cesc Fabregas: Arsenal’s prized possession and can pick a pass anywhere on the field.

 Cristiano Ronaldo: Douche; pretends he’s hurt when nobody even came near him.  But has some skill when it comes to soccer.

 Arsene Wenger: Manager of…, the best thing that has happened to football in England since studs on boots, with intellect comparable to Einstein.

 Wayne Rooney: A highly talented, yet fowl tempered English footballer. Possesses the ability to look like both Shrek and a potato.

 Didier Drogba: Besides being 6 foot 3 and a little over 200 pounds, he can be found flopping all over the pitch in a “theatrical performance.”

 Steven McClaren: The wally with the brolly, who caused England non-qualification to Euro 2008.

 Lionel Messi: One day God decided to make the greatest player ever. However, it got ruined so He named it Cristiano Ronaldo. He then tried again and truly made the best player ever.

 Steven Gerrard: To impact a soccer game in such a way that you by yourself orchestrated a massive comeback for your team after being a few goals down.

 Titus Bramble: What a shambles; I just messed up; awful Wigan defender (now Sunderland).

 Thierry Henry: To be called (name) is to be called a cheating French scumbag in Ireland.

 Rafael Benitez: A person who is laughably bad at his/her job, but refuses to acknowledge it; to find excuses when the only excuse is one’s own ineptitude.

 David Beckham: Britain’s most sellable face. His brains are located in his right foot.

 Ronaldinho: Only the most amazing soccer player in the present world. However, his teeth are a little big -just a little.

 John Terry: A very good but very over rated English central defender; a sexual euphemism for banging your best friend’s wife/girlfriend 

Jose Mourinho: Not only does he make whichever team he coaches win, he is also hilarious.

 Frank Lampard: Has made the scoring of deflected goals an art form.

 Zinedine Zidane: (verb) Irrational act of head butting during a crucial moment and being caught in the act by a third-party.

 Andres Iniesta: He a higher truth who will most likely shit on the face of your football team.

You’re got to hand it to them for being creative.  I believe this was 2009ish Christopher Columbus High School v. Our Lady of Lourdes Academy Battle of the Sexes competition.  SO CUTE.

**Unable to post video…please follow LINK**

(or copy and past the following URL)

http://www.youtube.com/user/osea10#p/u/1/SEmX615rHik

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